30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

Two weeks after the release of the film “What to expect when you are expecting a child,” the blogger and, at that time, the pregnant woman wrote a very useful and funny article about something that would never be told about pregnancy in movies and on TV. The young dad-blogger rewrote her story so that this joint child helped potential parents see a realistic picture of life with a child in her arms.

Recall, not so long ago, we published an article by a medical dad about how real birth differs from birth in a movie (Childbirth in a movie: what’s wrong with them). And now we want to give advice to parents that you will never learn from movies and television.


1. The films never discuss the most terrible thing related to the role of parents: sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)

Before you become a parent, this seems unreal, but in the first six months of the baby’s life this thought haunts you daily. No one knows why this happens, but this does not prevent the doctors from attributing to SIDS 4000 factors that immediately go into the risk zone.The reason why the parents of babies do not sleep in the first 6 months is that they check every 15 minutes, or the child is alive, because medicine has put a shadow of fear in our souls. A child may die for no reason. But, if the child is sleeping on his back, then the risk of SIDS is halved. But those who sleep in the parent's bed, on the contrary, are in danger. It seems that this is all the tricks of the manufacturers of cots.
2. Books“What to expect” is evil

Probably, each parent has on the shelf a survival manual in the first year of a child’s life. And maybe not even one. What for? The goal is to scare to death. These books are considered reference books. If a child has a small rash, you run to the book to find out what it is. And there by chance it is indicated that, perhaps, the child is on the verge of life and death, consult a doctor before it is too late. The child may die. Well, or is it just a slight rash, which is not worth worrying about. This is either the first or the second.

Conclusion:If you use the Internet to search for symptoms, Yahoo or Google answers will always pop up in the search. Never read that. These people are crazy.
3In the first year of a child’s life, the doctor’s office becomes second home.

tips for parents, tips for parents, newborn

Frame from the film "Life as it is"

Not the most joyful part. A child is measured, examined, weighed and almost every week donesomevaccinations. So you will spend half of your daytime in queues at medical cabinets surrounded by sick children, which can infect your child, leading to death, according to the books in section 2.
4. The first time a baby defecates usually immediately in the delivery room.

And it turns out from this process something called meconium - processed food, which he received in the womb. Meconium is a sticky, resin-like substance. when I saw it, it reminded me of a bubble inflated from a bubble gum and a bursting bubble, only it was black and the booty was inflated. Do not worry. This is normal, although the nurses will surely laugh at your distorted horror face. They all have a terrible sense of humor, so they love to persecute newly made dads. Yes if you doanythingstupid in the delivery room, this story will be retold another 10 years to all the following patients.
5. Natural childbirth is beautiful, but no, it is not beautiful.

Husbands, remember that it will seem to you that your wife will simply be torn apart from the inside to give birth to a child. It simultaneously causes disgust, fear and awe. The moment when the bones and muscles of the pelvis of your wife part, and the baby’s head appears, will be the pinnacle of your admiration for her. But if your wife is undergoing a caesarean section, never see what they are doing there. Unless you crave to see the organs of your woman.

Read also:5 reasons why a man should be present at birth

6. You baby will seem to you just the perfect angel

tips to parents gone with the wind

Shot from the movie "Gone With the Wind"

Everyone else will talksomethinglike "He's so pretty. Of course, I always say that, but in your case, it is sincere." Nothing like this. Until they get stronger, they look like shriveled old men, and only later they look like cheeky pups. Only you realize this much later, in a couple of years, when you look at the photos from the first days.

Read also:What does a newborn look like: expectation and reality

7. Make sure that the books you are reading are tolerable

Because you will read them day and night, 1000 times over the years.Avoid unfamiliar books or those that are in plain sight in the store. They are the worst. Also, books that you yourself grew up on are also not the best choice, unless of course you are afraid that your child will developsome kindincomprehensible phobia.
8. In the movies and programs they often show how parents are not sleeping, but they are silent about the reason.

There are actually two of them. First: the child needs to be fed every 2-3 hours for the first couple of weeks, i.e. sleep is provided with breaks. By the time the child is fed, burped and falls asleep already in a clean diaper, you can just get ready to repeat the procedure. Second: watch point 1: SIDS: fear will save you from sleep. And the child's sleep strengthens him: why he sleeps so quietly, maybe she does not breathe. We must get up, stir the baby to make sure that everything is ok. And then he wakes up and the next 15 minutes you try to put him to bed, and all because you were afraid that he was not breathing.

Husbands:If the wife woke up - rise. Do not be goats. A happy marriage is one in which the lack of sleep of both parents is the same.

Read also:Spit on everything, or why mom can not sleep

9. It doesn't matter how much you love your precious partner or how he / she loves you.

It doesn't matter that you have never quarreled before. It's not for long. When you have a child, there will be fatigue, insecurity, everything will come on. And you will begin to blame your precious second half for everything, because it is easier to shift the blame than to admit. Whatever it is, admit, both of you are guilty and responsible.
10. The only time that the picture on the screen really looked like life happened in the TV series "All Night Long"

advice to parents, the show all night long

Shot from the series "All Night Long"

And it was perfect: you and your spouse were arguing over who is not getting enough sleep anymore. You may be visited by the illusion that if you win the argument, you will not have to get up at 4 am to the child. It is a trap! You spend more time on the dispute than on the implementation of the debt. Besides, if youall the sameachieve justice and sleep for 15 minutes more, remember retribution is not far off. So, it's time to reread paragraph 8: In grief and in joy together. We need to get up together and go to the baby, so that no one has any offense.
11. Often in the movies they show how children can work out directly on their parents.

Laughter It probably seems to you that this is simply exaggerated for a comedy. Unfortunately no.Last week, the baby shook my saliva right in my face. And this morning, the child got poo-poo and smeared my T-shirt, and everything around too. Life hacking: prepare the diaper immediately. Even a millisecond of delay in unleashing a child's hands. He will definitely take advantage of the chance and her personal “fireworks” will fly in all directions, you can't even imagine how far. Any distance to the wall is surmountable.
In addition, more than once, I guarantee, you will have to catch vomiting, poop or snot child with your own hands to save the carpet or sofa. Hands are easier to wash than a sofa.
12. Nursing mothers - messengers of God

May blessings be with you. Try to think less about it. You may decide that there is not enough milk to keep the baby alive. This will cause stress, and it will cause less milk, and therefore you will become even more nervous, and the milk will become even less, and this is all such an endless cycle that will make all the hairs on your head stand up one by one and get out. Do not worry. The child will not die of hunger. He will die from SIDS.

Read also:27 photos of nursing moms who are breathtaking

13. Invariably, the child will have diseases of the hands, feet and mouth of the disease.

It sounds awful, like, talking about an animal. But it is nothing. On the palms and hands will be just a rash, and you think that this is stigmata. Hardly. This is a common virus, a couple of days will be a little lousy for a child, but then everything will go away. Take a photo and scare them friends.
14. Children will be sick, you will take time off

And you will become the parent whom you always condemn for time off because of the imaginary illness of the child. Well, the truth is, it is inevitable. If you do not have close unemployed relatives, there is nobody else to take care of the child, except for you. Even if it is a slight increase in temperature, you will not send the child to school in this state. Or in the garden. You will have to be at home. If you work remotely, congratulations, it's even worse. You not only need to care for your child, but also to do your immediate work, because they still think that people working at home actually do nothing and they have plenty of time for everything.
15. Colic is a myth, but it’s good to use if you need to find a reason for baby sobs.

This is a convenient excuse, but the truth is: children just cry. Lot. When hungry, when they have gaziki, when they are bored, when they want to be pens, or simply because on Tuesday it would be good to shout.It's just easier for other people to write off everything for colic, but in fact you don't know what is happening with this demon.

Read also:Crying baby: 7 varieties of baby cry


16. Convergence on Sears?

30 tips for parents that you will not learn from the movie - image number 1

Good luck! Such affection for the child, of course, is very commendable, beautiful and all that, but until the moment when you need at least five minutes for yourself, and you do not have them, because the child is always and always with you. Everywhere.
17. Ferber Method?

If this is what you were looking for and you are applying this method, then dismiss everyone who is skeptical about twisting your nose. If not, wake up every half hour to put your baby back in bed.
18. Linen diaper?

Super. Great. This is very noble. It is better for the environment. Only here, if you are exhausted, deprived of sleep, and your house has fallen into decay, the last thing you want to do is wash the mountain of dirty diapers. Of course, it's hard to keep everything clean when the baby has only three outfits, which he soils each one and grows out of almost every week.
Diaper is, of course, good, but do you want to see the guests at home when you have about 200 diapers in your basket, and you, I must admit, are not in their purest form.
19. Non-working moms?

Well, well, and if someone condemns, tell them to go far and for a long time.Working moms? Well, well, and if someone condemns, tell them to go far and for a long time. Disabled dad? Well, well, and if someone condemns, tell them to go far and for a long time. Whatever you are, never allow yourself to feel guilty. You are a good man? So the child will be good.
20. According to statistics, your child’s success is beyond your control.

But the economic situation is this: whether a child will achieve social and economic recognition in life depends not on your parental qualities, but on status. There are exceptions, of course, but in general, if you are rich, your child will be rich. If you studied at the university, your child will study at the university. If you have a well-paid job, the child shines the same.
21. If your status plays a role in determining the social status of a child, not parental qualities, then in what kind of person he grows up is your human qualities.

If you generously tip, your child will be the same. If you are a goat, your goat grows.
22. It's never too early to sign up for a kindergarten.

If you are planning a visit to the kindergarten, stand in line at the day when you learned that you are pregnant.If you plan to send your child to preparatory courses for school, register there as soon as you receive a birth certificate. Good preparatory classes are filled very quickly, so keep this in mind, so that later you don’t give the child to the group to the nasty old woman who constantly watches the TV shows a hundred.summerlimitation.
23. A child may like rice or spaghetti.

30 tips for parents that you will not learn from the movie - image number 2

It's fine! But dirty: only half of the portion reaches the mouth of the baby. The rest is perfectly located on the floor and table. Tip: wait until it dries - it's easier to remove.
24. Wait until the baby goes to sleep to collect toys.

If you try to restore order during the day, this will be your only task. It is depressing.
25. You can agree that TV is bad for children

You can generally forbid children to approach it. God with you! But all the best intentions fly into the abyss when there is a temptation to spend an extra hour sleeping, while the child is stuck to Sesame Street. But! The boy Kai from the cartoon of the same name is Satan in the form of a bald Canadian crybaby. Never turn this stuff on!
26. Children have a very literal sense of humor.

30 tips for parents that you will not learn from the movie - image №3

They not only do not understand irony, they do not understand how to tell a joke. They can hear once and then for years get you with the same joke, even if it is out of place. Play it, it's cute.
27. Fly with a child saves you from the slightest pieces of self-esteem

This means you will be the one who always annoyed you on board. This could be the worst day of your life. But, if the price of the issue is that you fly to the mother who will look after the childsometime while you quietly enjoy going to a restaurant. And in general, all these people went to hell. You see their first and last time in life. Their inconvenience can not be compared with your prospect of free time and a delicious piece of veal in a creamy sauce. Just do not abuse the nerves of people, if talking about going to the movies, do not be cretins.
28. Speaking of cinema: different parents have different opinions about when you can start taking a child with you to the cinema.

At any age, it is better to do it on children's Saturday afternoon sessions: there are a lot of noisy children, so you don’t have to blush for your own. But remember: in the cinema is dark.Nothing for you, but for children this couple of hours may seem scary. Also, it is better to come after trailers and advertisements, not because it is harmful for children to watch ads, but because it is difficult for children to explain why the uncle drank Pepsi, froze and crashed.
29. No need to write down children wherever possible, especially if it will be difficult for you to take your child to one or another circle

If you are depressed to carry a child all over the city, in order to see him in a tutu lying on the floor, your mood will be quickly transmitted to him. If the child does not want to play the piano, do not force him. If every time before a football class he howls like a beluga, do not take him there. Happy parents are happy children, and vice versa.
30. Do not listen to anyone.

Other parents hand out tips to the right and left, like caramel. To hell with all. You yourself will understand. Read books - do not read books. Follow the method - do not follow the method. Use everything, just to have an effect.

For each attempt there is a “study” that proves its effectiveness, and the other - its uselessness. Just love children like no one else in the world, and everything will work out for you.

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  • 30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie

    30 tips for parents that you don’t learn from the movie