One of the most difficult stages of parting is to get used to the fact that the one who was an integral part of your life will no longer be in it. It is very difficult to completely strike someone out of your life. But just because you can miss a person, is it worth staying friends with ex?
Most often, such a question arises when one of the people starts a new relationship. One way or another, psychologists have even taken up this issue. And they concluded that it all depends on your motivation. So just ask yourself:Why do you want to be friends with him?
Specialist, Department of Psychology at the University of Kansas, Rebecca Griffith conducted two studies on friendship with the former. The first one focused on the reasons why people decide to remain friends after a relationship. In the second, what was the reason for these reasons and such friendship.
Studies have shown 4 main reasons why people remain friends with the former:
1. A sense of security.
When emotions subside, and you stay in good relations with the former, you can trust this person, you can count on his emotional support, you have a connection.You are not making yourself an enemy who knows all your secrets and from whom you do not know what to expect.
What is the outcome of such a friendship? Positive. But for this to happen, it is necessary that both partners treat each other equally.
2. Practical benefits.
Being friends is necessary when you have common children. It is very important that they see the good relations of the parents even after their divorce.
Or mutual friends, social circle, work. If people are motivated by practical reasons, they do not involve emotions in this, and this is a good enough option.
According to the study, such a friendship has a positive outcome, although it does not last very long (until the children grow up / until the work changes, etc.).
If you do not particularly want to be friends, but do it out of politeness, just by being kind to each other, it seems too strained. And this is not a friendship. Such a relationship will not last long.
If you split up, but keep dating for sex, it's not so bad, unless one of you secretly hopes for a reunion. Otherwise, such a “friendship” will not last long.
Psychologists say that friendship with the former is possible if it develops naturally with time. No need to force events. Don't try to be friends by force.Stay polite to each other.You should not try to do anything. If you feel that you need each other as friends - it will happen by itself.
As you can see, it's all about motivation. If you want to remain friends for the right reasons, it will happen by itself with time.